It’s a sad day for Office fans: Actress Jenna Fischer, who starred as receptionist turned salesperson Pam Beasly, has run out of memories from her time filming the enduringly popular workplace comedy.
After revealing that Ed Helms had originally auditioned for the role of Jim Halpert on Fischer’s Office Ladies podcast, our sources confirm that the actress collapsed in exhaustion. When she came to, she reportedly felt a lightness she hadn’t experienced since 2005, followed by horror when she realized its source; she had just revealed her last insider tidbit about The Office.
“If I had known that 15-year-olds would be watching the show on their phones at the dinner table well into 2020, I would never have given so many interviews in the early aughts,” explained a tearful Fischer. “I’m kicking myself for revealing what was written on the teapot note Jim gave Pam way back in 2010, but….I…I have to go. ETCanada’s banging on my door, screaming ‘What was Creed like on set?’ How did they find me here? I don’t want to have to move again.”
Now that she’s revealed all the emotional moments, hilarious anecdotes, and unexpected friendships that occurred behind the scenes of The Office, Fischer is reportedly resorting to more drastic measures to satiate the bottomless hunger of the content aggregators and late-night hosts.
“Do Angela Kinsey and I have a pact where we have to corroborate whatever fake Office anecdote the other tells, no matter how ridiculous?” said Fischer. “I can neither confirm nor deny that, but what I can tell you is that one time on set, Angela and I accidentally fed her cats pot brownies!”
When asked to confirm this story, Kinsey said, “haha yes, that was hilarious and definitely did happen. Bandit got so stoned.”
Fischer and Kinsey aren’t alone in their desperation to generate Office content. John Krasinski has reportedly been in repressed memory therapy for years, and BJ Novak just embarked on a mythic quest to find the leather journal he kept from 2007 until 2010.
When all else fails, the cast resorts to a tried and true strategy.
“When we run out of things to say, we just drop coy hints about a reunion,” explained Fischer. “That should keep us going for at least a few more years until a reunion inevitably happens and disappoints everyone.”