Dance Like No One’s Watching, Except That One Hot Guy


We live in a body-conscious society, but sometimes you just want to feel something! Give into your body’s primal urge to express with these invigorating dance moves, and don’t worry for a second what other people think of you—except that blazing-hot dude in the corner who’s been eyeing you all night. His opinion is very important, so make sure he’s really into it.


The Shimmy

This classic move is fun and easy to do. Simply wag your shoulders back and forth to the beat of the song, or not, do whatever feels right for your spirit! Free your body of society’s expectations while simultaneously helping that guy take notice of your luscious rack bouncing to and fro. Remember: the only opinion that counts is yours, and then also his. Don’t fuck this up.


The Whip/The Nae Nae

This new dance is very popular among football players’ children, so let out your inner child! Allow the wildness of youth to course through your veins as if you’ve never felt restraint before! Dancing is about how you feel! And immediately after that, get your adult sexiness back by making a “come hither” face while letting him watch you Whip and watch you Nae Nae. Because no one should be allowed to judge you except for this particular dude. Do not embarrass yourself in front of him.


Beyoncé Stuff

Dance like Queen Bey! Flip your hair without a care! Strut around like the strong female role model you are. But as soon as he gets back from the bathroom, tone it all the way down. You’re a fierce lady, so you don’t care if guys are intimidated by you, but you don’t want to scare off this one guy since he’s very hot. You want to see his butt without those pants, not running out the front door!



The Charleston

This dance arrived in the 20s, when all we wanted to do was drink and dance and feel alive! So bring that vibe back with just a few kicks of your feet and wiggles of your jazz hands. You may look silly but this dance is all about you having a good time. Just modernize it a bit for that dude in the corner so you don’t look totally insane. Try shouting, “I learned this from a Kennedy,” to give yourself some clout. Maybe he’ll be super impressed that you can move like that and he’ll come buy you a drink.



You may think this move started with Miley, but people have been rubbing their bottoms on things for years. Forget the sweet release of dance, because the twerk won’t, in any way, help you reach another plane of consciousness with movement. However, keep sending out good gyrations and he’ll be hypnotized into getting your number and maybe even texting you a couple times! Being fuckable is almost like being free!


So next time you go dancing, remember how great it feels to just let loose. Let your spirit run wild, but keep it on a short enough leash that you don’t look like a weirdo in front of anyone hot. Especially that guy.