For some of us, locating the perfect fall headwear can be as daunting as bathing on a regular basis. When it comes to finding headwear that conceals your fear of basic hygiene, it’s no wonder many of us feel lost, confused, and scared. Fear not, filthy shoppers: We’ve scoured the runway for this season’s cutest hats that will hide your irrational but deep-seated fear of bathing.
1. The Beanie
Just because your public pool closed for the season, removing any possibility of rinsing off in the deep end, doesn’t mean your fear of showering must take center stage! This seasonal classic will help seamlessly transition even the grimiest of shoppers from summer to fall – without exposing your fear of a hot shower. Just tuck that grimy hairdo beneath a beanie’s convenient, elastic hold, and kiss your showering nightmares goodbye!
2. The Floppy Hat
This chic number is a seasonal must-have, especially if the thought of soap on your body pervades your waking nightmares. The thick, suede material will keep your head warm when the weather cools and keep the pungent stank of your unwashed hair from blowing your cover.
3. The Fedora
Nothing says, “I’m a cool chick with normal bathing habits!” quite like the fedora. Fedoras are everywhere this season – and you can get one for a steal – making them the perfect choice for thrifty shoppers with an irrational fear of being kidnapped in the middle of the night, driven to an undisclosed location, and thrown into a giant, sudsy bath.
4. The Turban
Chic turbans serve to complement any fall outfit, while flawlessly masking your life-altering abluthopobic tendencies. Just wrap up your problem zones and voilà! The silent scream you feel rise inside you at the sheer sight of bath towels are safely under wraps. Turban Tip: Stick with a dark, earthy color pallet to make a statement other than, “Please no! Not the loofah! I’ll do anything! NOOOOOOO!”
No outerwear is complete without one of these cute fall staples to perfectly mask your tragic fear of bathing that you may never overcome. Just throw one on and live easy, knowing you can put off that disturbing hygienic practice for one more season.
