In an adorable widdle story emerging from the dentist’s office, it appears your dentist – Dr. Patti Green – thinks the tiny TV hanging above the chair is going to distract you from the fact that she’s currently squeezing a chainsaw into your delicate, delicate mouth.
Aww! It’s cute that she thinks this will help!
Sources confirm you’ve been dreading this trip to the dentist for about six months and have put off the visit for so long that now there’s definitely going to be something wrong. You spent last night googling, “Weed at dentist bad or good” and finding other non-FDA-approved calming techniques only to realize you were going to have to suck it up and brute force the visit.
But according to the dentist, adding a little TV should do the trick!
“We’ve noticed that patients have been increasingly scared to come to the dentist’s office for their bi-annual checkup,” your dentist said, while her hands were actively in your mouth, precluding you from responding. “The little TV is just our way of saying, ‘Don’t worry about it! This chainsaw I’m putting in your mouth won’t hurt one bit!’”
Medical professionals everywhere have confirmed that the presence of a TV does nothing to mitigate pain. If anything, it makes the moments where your dentist accidentally clips the tooth root that much more surprising and painful.
Upon entrance into the dentist’s office, you were given the option to choose which program would be playing on the TV while the dental hygienist had a chainsaw in your mouth. You seemed stuck between watching How It’s Made while the dental hygienist had a chainsaw in your mouth or watching Blue Planet while the dental hygienist had a chainsaw in your mouth.
“I’d say I’m less concerned about the TV show than I am about the chainsaw in my mouth,” you said under clear duress. “The show isn’t doing much at all, honestly.”
Rather than create a chainsaw that is quiet, smaller, or less painful, it seems dentists have really leaned into the TV thing.
“If dentists don’t feel like the little TV is doing enough to distract their patients from the chainsaw in their mouths, they can also opt to add some headphones!” said dental technology salesman, Frank White.
Sources confirm that wearing the headphones while getting your teeth cleaned only amplifies the scraping sounds, which – yet again – will only make things worse.
At press time, you finished your cleaning but stayed to watch the end of the show.
“Who would have thought that’s how balloons are made?” you finished wistfully.
