Sex should be free of judgment, but every once in a while, you just need to know if any of the judges from The Voice would approve of that thing you just did with your tongue. Sometimes you’re mid-makeout, totally enjoying the moment when your attention drifts to the corner of the room just to see if…nope, the chairs haven’t turned. So here’s how to cum like a little songbird and win the approval of Christina Aguilera and whoever the other judges are.
Strip yourself bare
And not just physically. As with the best art, some of the best sex comes from allowing yourself to be vulnerable. To win the judges’ approval, let them see who you really are. Relax. Breathe. And get ready to feel as vulnerable as someone singing, alone, on stage live to four celebrities’ backs probably feels.
Embrace the pressure
When the spotlight is on you, there’s often pressure to perform. Remember that pressure can be good. Not too much pressure, you know, like just the right amount of pressure… sometimes switching the pressure too— that can work.
Work in a product placement
Maybe stop getting hot and heavy for a second to take a sip from a bright red cup that says Coca-Cola. Cool, refreshing! Only $1.50 at a corner store near you. This is certain to resonate with the judges and their lived experiences.
Lose yourself in the passion
There’s nothing the judges love more than when someone just loses themselves in the moment. And now that you’ve stared into your own soul and come out stronger, you’re ready to cum in the most beautiful crescendo ever heard on any season of The Voice. Seriously, you’ll cum so good that all four of the judges are going to turn their chairs around. And not one-by-one where they kind of look at each other before like, “should we do this?” You’ll cum so melodically your head is going to spin as fast as those chairs.
You’ve made history on The Voice and it’s time to switch positions: now, you’re in charge. Good luck picking your coach from among three talented singers and Blake Shelton!
We hope you found this guide helpful. Most importantly, remember that sex should be fun and it’s not a competition. But if you can get all four of the judges to turn around – well, that’s pretty rare.