Crazy Busy Woman’s Schedule Is So Insane

Sources report that Cincinnati woman Jenna Partridge’s schedule is so crazy busy that it’s “literally insane.”


Partridge’s friends report having thought that her schedule was “a bit much” for months. But nobody could have known that behind closed doors, Partridge’s scheduled activities had tipped from super-busy to straight-up crazytown.


“One day she told me why she could never make it out for after-work drinks,” says coworker Lucy Britt. “She was waking up at 5 AM and running four miles every day, getting to work at 7 and staying till 9 PM, and that was just the first half of the day.”


Indeed, most of Partridge’s day, Britt confirmed, took place at night.


“Her schedule is straight-up cuckoo,” says Dr. Patricia Richardson, a licensed psychologist. “She hasn’t been able to buy groceries in weeks, much less cook for herself. In all my years as a clinician, I’ve never anyone this crazy busy. It’s bonkers.”


Richardson adds, “I would go so far as to characterize Ms. Partridge’s whole life as totally nuts.”


We were unable to reach Partridge in an effective way for this article because every time she picked up the phone she said she’d call us back because she was “doing something” right now. She did, however, send a text: “In NYC today. LA tomorrow. Then Portland. Let’s talk after Thanksgiving. (What is my life???)”



Partridge’s friends, who aren’t really sure they’re her friends anymore anyway since she’s never around to watch Scandal every week anymore, haven’t yet planned an intervention.


“First of all, we don’t know where she is,” says possible-still-friend Kerry Steaig. “Second of all, she makes us feel lazy and small.”


Partridge’s husband Gary and his new girlfriend Sandra confirm that Jenna’s schedule is in fact insane, and has been insane for some time.


“I don’t even think Gary likes me that much,” admitted Sandra. “But on the other hand, I’m not busy. Not like Jenna, at least.”


In the meantime, Partridge continues to check things off her list at an alarming rate, going through an average of 14 yellow legal pads per week.


“It’s a pathology, that’s for sure,” says Richardson. “And we would be dealing with it right now, except she still hasn’t filled out the Doodle.”