Cozy Winter Outfits That Say, “How Old Are You?”

It’s hard to maintain a youthful glow during the coldest months of the year. Just because it’s winter doesn’t mean you can’t still dress like a sexy hipster toddler! This winter, hide your decaying body behind styles so youthful, your age won’t be the only question on people’s minds.


1. The Velvet Dress

Remember the dress you wore during the holidays when you were 7-years-old? It’s back! Channel your inner second grader and rock this picture day-worthy number to your local dive bar. If you really want to make a statement, pair it with saddle shoes and a necklace made of macaroni. Your friends will wonder, “Wait, isn’t Claire 35?”


2. Head-to-toe Fleece

Your shriveling eggs aren’t the only things this outfit will heat up! Wearing head-to-toe fleece is perfect for the outdoors, the indoors, and the squalor-ridden apartment of the college sophomores next door. They’ll love your sense of irony, and you’ll love the free weed! Who needs life milestones?


3. The Footed Onesie

Traditionally worn by infants, the onesie is a classic look that says, “Female adulthood is a no-win situation that I am stubbornly attempting to opt out of.” With the comfort of an electric blanket and the convenience of a sleeping bag, this ensemble can take you from day to night to day again. Wear it with a blazer for the office or with black boots for a laid-back weekend of denying the passage of time.


4. Diaper

True, this isn’t the most practical winter outfit, but wearing a diaper takes years off your body, and it looks great for every occasion. Fool everyone around you into thinking you’re the next Blue Ivy. Try pairing your diaper with long white gloves, for a look that screams, “No, YOU’RE 35!”


Fashion icon Suri Cruise once said, “I don’t do fashion, I am fashion.” So true, right?!