Jennifer Felsher, long known by friends as someone who doesn’t recognize good things when they are right in front of her, was recently overheard remarking that the 1996 film, The Craft, was “just okay.”
Perhaps it was the groundbreaking depiction of flawed but powerful magical women that Jennifer found “I don’t know, fine?” Or maybe it was the amazingly iconic 90s soundtrack containing the cover of Morrisey’s “How Soon is Now” as performed by Love Spit Love. Maybe, somehow, Jennifer doesn’t understand just how cool it would be if, as a teenage girl, you were able to literally levitate your friend while playing light as a feather, stiff as a board.
Sources remain unsure how this dumb idiot came to her dumb conclusion.
“I mean it’s fine I guess,” said Jennifer when pressed for comment.
It is widely understood that The Craft is not just fine, it is a tribute to the relationships that are both transformative and at times challenging between women, particularly lovers of witchcraft. The film speaks to the complexity in women who have both a need for community and a need to assert our independence; something that Jennifer is apparently just not capable of getting through her dumb thick head.
“I guess I was just more of a Clueless person?” said Jennifer, when we showed up on her doorstep demanding answers.
We can only speculate that Jennifer wasn’t invited to enough sleepovers growing up.
While sources remain divided over whether there is any reason to justify Jennifer’s presence in the room right now, it remains clear that Jennifer just doesn’t appreciate just how crazy powerful it would feel to make your bully’s hair fall out, or have a bunch of sharks wash up on a beach, or be able to instantly change your hair color at will.
Only once one thing is certain – Jennifer is wrong and The Craft will go down in history as one of the greatest female ensemble movies of 1996.
Friends hope that by the power of three times three, they will make her see. Make her see.