CeraVe to Release New ‘Doesn’t Look Like Cum’ Formula

In an effort to be more family-friendly, the Bausch Health skincare brand CeraVe is releasing a new formula that’s exactly like the old formula but looks measurably less like cum.


CeraVe has long advertised that dermatologists prefer their ingredients over similar brands. But 9 out of 10 expressed hesitation toward CeraVe’s cum-like appearance.


“In terms of quality ingredients, CeraVe is leading the dermatological field. But many patients are turned off by the fact that each pump looks like fresh cummies straight from the penis,” said Dr. Isaac Johnson, president of the American Dermatological Association.


CeraVe contracted chemists have been hard at work tinkering with the color and viscosity to achieve a less semen-y look and feel.



“We here at CeraVe believe the decision to view semen or semen-like substances should be between consenting adults, not an adult and their skincare company,” said CeraVe spokesperson Tanya Trumbull. “This new formula is a big step forward in line with that goal. And those who do want their cleanser to resemble jizzum can just pay $5 more for Glossier.”


CeraVe’s “Doesn’t Look Like Cum” Formula has received positive reviews among skincare influencers, who received an advanced rollout.


“It was such a relief to pump CeraVe into my hand and not be reminded of semen,” said YouTuber Brittany Jacobs. And Brittany’s not the only one—most users in a recent focus group reported a sense of freedom from having to think about cum every time they cleanse their face.


“I feel really certain there’s no cum in here, whereas it was hard to be sure with the old formula” added Jacobs.


Talk about a marketing win!