Colonoscopies: they’re not just for Katie Couric and your great aunt Mae anymore – even the rich and famous have to have a camera shoved up their butt every few years or so. Thanks to our legal team’s loose interpretation of HIPAA regulations, we were lucky enough to get our hands on EXCLUSIVE photos of these CELEB colonoscopy scans to show you what’s REALLY going on with them (in their insides)!
Is there anything Ms. Winfrey can’t pull off without a hitch? The biggest talk show in television history, a revolutionary magazine, an underdog television network, and now the most perfect colonoscopy scan we’ve ever seen. Years of expertly prepared meals, regular exercise, and other perfect habits have worked wonders for the walls of Oprah’s colon, which remain perfectly clean and polyp free. Oprah’s living proof that your colon really can have it all!
Poor, poor Jen. She’s put a brave face on all the heartbreak she’s gone through over the past few years, but this intimate look at her polyp-ravaged colon and rectum tell the real story. Jen’s colon is one that has known real pain and suffering, and not just the kind that comes from infrequent or obstructed bowel movements. This colon tells a tale of deep suffering and heartache, with an unusual coloration that says, “my career is on its last legs.”. What we wouldn’t give to take Jen’s colon out for some girl talk over ice cream. Here’s hoping that a happy marriage to Justin Theroux can give Jen’s colon the fresh start it so desperately needs!
Just like Queen Bey herself, Beyoncé’s colon is an unstoppable force of nature. Being an international superstar and mom has got to come with its fair share of stress, but you wouldn’t know it from looking at her colonoscopy scan. This baby reads like a dream within a dream: from electrifying Superbowl performances to fiercely passing waste through her colon, this woman can really do it all. And if there were ever a lingering question about whether Beyoncé and Jay were totally meant for each other, it could be answered by their picture-perfect colons side by side! Will Blue Ivy’s colon take after her famous parents, or will she suffer the fate of many other child star colons? Only time will tell!