In an unbelievable story straight out of The Communist Manifesto, barista Leah Bastarache’s capitalist asshole of a boss is forcing her to work during the period of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
“I work for a small business, so I figured my boss would be a little more in touch with the needs of today’s working class,” said Leah, as she pulled a shot of espresso on a holidayless Tuesday that happens to be in late November. “Guess he’s a capitalist pig like the rest of them.”
Leah went on to express her disappointment with being on the schedule at her cafe despite it being just past Thanksgiving and mere weeks from Hanukkah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa.
“I never thought I’d work under such harsh and unjust conditions,” said Leah on a chilly Friday in December that has no significance, holiday-wise. “I mean, we get actual Christmas off and Christmas Eve. But what about the days leading up to Christmas? It’s inhumane.”
“It’s a shame that he’s chosen to be so greedy during the season of giving,” Leah added.
Bill Jeffries, the capitalist boss in question, attempted to explain his money hungry decision.
“My employees get all the holidays off, even the ones that aren’t federal,” he explained. “But the weeks between holidays are just…regular weeks. Why would they have that time off? I don’t give them the weeks between Easter and Memorial Day off either, does that make me scum?”
“I’m not being greedy, I’m just running a business,” he added. “They have paid time off they are welcome to use if they wish!”
But Leah doesn’t see it that way.
“Look, I’m no Karl Marx, I know that we exist in a late-capitalist hellhole of the Baby Boomer generation and the Industrial Revolution’s creation,” she said. “I’m just asking for a little compassion from the ruling class. No one wants to work between Christmas and Thanksgiving. Nothing is getting done and we’re all full of carbs!”
“But I guess everyone’s gotta pay their bills to live, regardless of whether their human rights are stepped on to do so,” Leah added.
