Breathing Exercises For When Your Fitness Teacher Clearly Hates You

Exercise is an excellent way to strengthen your body and mind, but it can be hard to strengthen your body while your mind is focused on the fact that your fitness teacher probably hates everything about you. Here are the best breathing exercises to soothe yourself after you did the exercise wrong and you know your teacher saw and now she obviously hates you forever:


Diaphragm-Focused Breathing

With one hand on your abdominals and one on your chest, inhale slowly, making sure only your lower hand moves. If the lower hand moves, your fitness teacher, who is looking directly at you right now, might regain some respect for you. But first she will berate you with comments like, “That’s great, now go a little deeper,” even though you obviously cannot go deeper! What is she, some kind of unfeeling monster? This is as deep as you go before your body falls off! Why is she picking on you? This breathing works best when you are on the floor, staring at the ceiling, wondering if she is still looking at you.



Rapid Relaxed Breathing

While breathing entirely through your nose, shorten your breaths so that you inhale and exhale for equal time, but as quickly as possible while still remaining relaxed. Focusing your breath in this way allows you to release the tension you feel when your instructor is only looking at you. She keeps directing all the corrections at you and she totally thinks you are garbage.


Basic, Balanced Breathing

Bringing your breath back to basics can keep you centered during your workout. So breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth, while maintaining a steady four-count for each breath. Don’t wonder why or how she is always looking at you. She’s probably thinking to herself about how she’s so strong and how weak you are. She probably regrets ever becoming a fitness teacher all because you can’t hold this plank anymore.


Try these breathing techniques or maybe just yell to your teacher that you are not here to be looked at! You want to be hot enough for other people to look at you later! Then try some more breathing exercises for when you did her breathing exercise wrong, cause no one’s ever been as bad at exercise at you.