Facebook is an amazing way to connect with both your close friends and super distant acquaintances as if they were the same to you. And no matter what’s been going on in your life, the best way to get the attention of everyone is to thank your closest friends in a public status message. If you’re looking to get a barrage of concerned questions from all 1,220 of your distant cousins, former coworkers and people you met on a cruise once in 1997, here are the most kind and vague thank-you messages to share publicly on social media:
“Something bad happened today. My REAL friends already know this.”
This is the best way to let everyone immediately wonder if this was had-a-bad-day-at-work bad or my-entire-family-perished-before-my-eyes bad. This is the best way to leave seven exes AND your entire high school class wondering and thinking about you!
“Thanks, friends. You are kind.”
Anybody who has not been kind or anything at all to you lately will be low-key asking you how life is until they squeeze more salient details out of you. Did you get a promotion? Did you get fired? Nice Dan From Summer Camp needs to know!!
“Just want to say that I have the best friends in the whole world <3.”
This classic line will have your former third grade teacher frantically commenting, “What happened? Is there something I can do??”
“Some people really suck. Glad I am surrounded by some of the good ones. Don’t ask.”
By alluding to something bad and then saying, “don’t ask” you’re basically begging people to ask. Seriously, nothing makes people want to ask like telling them not to. You’ll be on the top of Judy from your old internship’s mind for the rest of the day!
Your best friends mean the world to you, and people who you don’t see or talk to regularly need to know that. Sharing these vague, ominous messages will help put you back in their thoughts, whether they like it or not. Good luck!