BREAKING: We’re Doing Shots

In a rapidly developing story, Claire just made an executive decision that everyone is doing shots. The announcement came at 10:37 PM, approximately 15 minutes after you entered your favorite local bar for what was expected to be a cool, chill night.


“We kind of made these plans at the last minute,” says Patsy, who planned on having Diet Coke tonight. “I messaged the group earlier today and asked if anyone was free to like grab a drink and catch up. This was not the result I was expecting.”


The casual night seems to have taken a turn, however, as all of your friends are now struggling to get a spot at the bar.


“Is it tequila?” asks coworker Vimala Agate, who was just going to stay in and do laundry tonight. “If it’s tequila I need a lime! If it’s rum I’m not doing it.”


“Actually, whatever, rum is fine,” Agate added.


Bar patrons could sense the chaos ensuing, claiming to have heard shouts of, “Bitch get in here!” and “Where’s Carly???”


“I was in the bathroom,” states Carly McGuinn. “But I flushed real quick when I heard we’re all doing shots. The night was changing and I was not going to be left behind.”


The group is expected to grow, with Morgan admitting to having just messaged “COME OUY – JUST DISD SHOT” to several group texts.


Natalie Williamson, who has to get up early, claims this will be her last shot of the night. “I’ll probably get like a glass of wine and that’ll be it,” states Williamson. “Unless everyone does another one, then like, I don’t know, I’ve had a hard week. I deserve it.”


Sources state the group’s energy was palpable throughout the bar.



“They seem like they’re having a good time,” states bar patron Darius Moore. “I wish I could do shots, but I just don’t have the stomach for it anymore. Actually, wait — do they have salt?”


They do, indeed, have salt.