In a developing story out of my home, it has become abundantly clear that, despite my best attempts, I’ve become exhausted to the point where this is all kind of a lot for me at the moment.
Due to the endless collision of living nightmares and their socioeconomic and political implications, experts are drawing extreme concern, warning me that I have reached my threshold and it would be nice if, for like perhaps two seconds, we could all chill out, particularly around me, as I would simply do anything for a moment when I can inhale to my full lung capacity again and not hyperventilate at the dooming thought that nothing will get better for anyone.
Despite multiple attempts at surrounding myself with people and things that chill me out, there is a growing consensus that perhaps things need to simmer down a bit because I’m about to snap.
Can I sustain myself through this much longer? Unfortunately, the evidence is doubtful, instead indicating that hell-fucking-no.
When reached for comment on the fear that I’m moments away from exceeding my maximum bandwidth and losing it entirely, researchers calmly responded, “We have good reason to believe that this is not a threat to anyone other than you, think of it more as a promise that you will soon be unable to cope.”
“But also, in your defense, we don’t blame you for absolutely popping the fuck off and needing to check out for a bit. Everything is in fact a lot,” experts near me elaborated. “Same with many people you surround yourself with too.”
I, personally, could not agree more with their findings.
Some experts have hope that this will be a moment for me to develop resilience in the face of future adversity, as there are ways to adapt and reframe emotions. Access to support systems are surely there for me. Unfortunately, I am far too busy being clouded by panic.
At press time, I was found alone in my dark bedroom scrolling through horrific content while ignoring everyone with my phone on Do Not Disturb mode and taking breaks to google if there’s a German word for the desire to no longer want to live on this earth.
