BREAKING: Hot Person on The Train

Word has just come in out of New York City that there was a hot person on a Manhattan-bound 4 train this morning, drawing the attention of more average-looking onlookers nearby.


It is reported that the hot person was first seen boarding the train at 10:52 A.M. at the Bergen Street stop.


Several witnesses remember seeing them, with some going so far as to claim they made meaningful eye contact with the hottie.


“There was definitely something going on between us,” said Riley Banks. “I was staring at their face nonstop, because it was so hot, and then they would look up and we’d make eye contact for a second, then they’d look away. It was very flirty.”


Banks even corroborated her story with a string of texts she sent to a friend at 10:54 A.M. together reading:


“Hottest person sitting across from me on the train. Going to die from heartbreak when they get off. Omg they just looked at me. Think they’re wearing red eyeliner maybe? So hot, fuck my whole life.”



Shana Roberts, the recipient of the impassioned texts, said that despite not being on the train, she was moved by the hot person’s presence.


“I told Riley to take a picture of them and she said she couldn’t because she respected their privacy and beauty too much to try and capture it,” said Roberts. “But even without a photo, I could just feel the urgency of their hotness. What a thrill. I’m glad this story is getting the attention it deserves.”


While the MTA would not release footage of the attractive passenger, the train’s conductor did grant us an exclusive interview on the day’s events.


“Speaking as a conductor, I see all rule-abiding passengers in a neutral and equal light,” said Lily Hernandez. “But speaking as an individual, the moment I glanced at them through my little tinted window I entered a full-on fantasy about us falling in love: the good times, the hard times, the fights whose resolutions would bring us closer than ever before. Then they got off around Spring Street.”


The hot person’s current whereabouts are unknown, but New Yorkers everywhere hope they ride the train again soon.


“I know their fellow passengers from today will never forget them,” said Banks. “I wonder if they’re still thinking about us, too.”