In shocking news out of San Diego, CA, Jess Gibson and her boyfriend Sam have reached a critical turning point in their relationship after Sam completely ignored her sudden and overwhelming urge to hold a baby koala.
“I couldn’t think about anything else,” Jess said. “And since Sam and I have been dating for over three years now, I thought he would take an interest in it at the very least. Now, I’m not really sure where we can go from here.”
Despite Jess’s feelings about the situation, Sam still isn’t sure why his girlfriend seems so upset.
“When we watched an ad on TV for Australian tourism, there was a baby koala on screen,” Sam told reporters. “Then, Jess said the thing about holding one. I think I replied, ‘Yeah, totally’ but apparently that was not an appropriate reaction.”
“I don’t ask for much,” Jess said. “But I’d expect that when I say I wanna hold a baby koala, my loving boyfriend would say something like ‘God, me too, more than anything, or ‘say that, bestie’, or ‘I just got us two tickets to Australia’, even though I actually don’t want to go to Australia. Is that too much to ask for? I don’t think so.”
Jess’s friends are also appalled at her boyfriend’s behavior.
“I used to really like Sam,” one of Jess’s friends, Cynthia, said. “But once she told me about the whole koala situation, I’m just not sure if he’s the right one for her.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Jess’s other friend, Michelle, said. “I think it’s the bare minimum for a man to respond enthusiastically to the most insignificant observations that their girlfriend makes. I mean, c’mon. What did our foremothers even fight for?”
At press time, Sam seems to finally understand the error of his ways.
“I now realize that what Jess said was actually so valid and I wholeheartedly agree with her. I’m sorry for my past actions, and I’m still learning every day.”
As for Jess, she’s planning on telling Sam that she’s never had oysters but doesn’t think that she’d like them.
