Baby Really ‘Taking It All In’

Shoppers reported Sunday that a baby in the local drugstore was “really taking it all in”. The baby in question lay in a portable car seat while her mother shopped for groceries.


“She was just lying there, looking around,” says one witness. “All those shapes and colors! She must have been having a field day!”


“You should have seen those eyes,” says another, who paused to coo at the baby, even though the mother was in kind of a rush.


Partway into the shopping trip, the baby’s mother began to worry that the baby might be cold, and wrapped her in a blanket.


“Look at that little bundle of joy!” said no less than four shoppers after the sweater had been tucked around the baby, according to sources. Three of the four asked the mother how many months old the baby was, then, upon hearing the mother’s answer, said, “That’s a great age.”


According to reports, as the baby and her mother entered the makeup aisle, a woman approached the baby’s mother with a knowing look on her face.


“Just you wait!” said the woman. “Pretty soon this is all she’s going to care about. Nail polish and boys.”


Another woman then chimed in, “It goes faster than you think!”


“You can say that again!” said the first woman. “Just wait until they start applying for colleges!”


In the baby aisle, witnesses report that several women approached the baby’s mother as she stocked up on diapers and formula.


“Are you getting any sleep yet?” said one, looking sympathetic. Said another, “You’re lucky you can still get her to eat whatever you want! My son is five, and he won’t touch anything that isn’t white.”



When the mother grabbed a six-pack of Coca Cola, she was interrupted with a sharp, “Are you breastfeeding?” She turned around to find a woman looking over her shoulder. “You really shouldn’t drink that stuff if you’re breastfeeding. Early exposure to high-fructose corn syrup is associated with lower scores on the SAT.”


After hearing from more than twenty shoppers, sources say the baby’s mother approached the register looking exhausted.


“I tried to talk to her about her baby but she was kind of rude,” says the cashier. “Where are people’s manners these days?”