45 year-old Boston resident Claire Moynihan was stunned to learn from Ancestry.com that she is a direct descendant of a prolific line of toilet seat sprayers.
“It was definitely a surprise,” says Moynihan, looking at tintypes of women spraying piss all over old-timey toilet seats. “My parents always implied that our family had a rich historical legacy, but I never could have guessed it was something as unique as this.”
“I thought I was just some freak of nature who sprays all over toilet seats despite being a woman who sits down to pee,” beams the mother of two. “Thanks to these results, I know for sure: I’m not a freak—I’m a Moynihan.”
Specifically, Moynihan comes from a line of Irish immigrants who spread their influence throughout many of America’s strongest economic enterprises, and also by spewing urine on toilet seats nationwide to the surprise and disgust of other latrine users.
“My great-great-grandmother Helen Moynihan was the first connection I found,” remarks Moynihan, “When she arrived in 1903, he was held in Ellis Island for three months, where she left pee spittle in every single women’s restroom. They nearly sent her back to Ireland, but were so sick of her leaving piss on the seats that they let her go. The internet is amazing!”
Moynihan made the discovery after signing up for Ancestry.com last week. “I was sitting on the toilet one day and on a whim started the free trial, but pretty soon purchased a U.S. Discovery membership so I could dig further. When I noticed how much spray my daughter had left on my toilet seat I thought, ‘This has to come from somewhere’.”
“I can’t believe how lucky I am to have married into this family.” says Moynihan’s husband, Dustin Klein. “It’s pretty special to be a part of something that’s so much larger than yourself. I’ll never look at my wife’s urethra the same way again.”
Moynihan has provided brief descriptions of several of her family members:
Mary Moynihan (1845-1924): The earliest recorded member of the Moynihan family, Enda narrowly survived the Great Famine, spraying on her family’s outhouse seat for six hunger-stricken years.
Karin Moynihan (1888-1956): The last surviving member of the Titanic to pee all over a toilet seat before it sank.
Brianna Moynihan (1919-1937): Died in the Hindenburg Disaster while sprinkling on the blimp’s toilet seat.
Caitlin Moynihan (1934-1999): Peed on a toilet seat as well as her stadium seat while witnessing Wilt Chamberlain’s 100 point game.
Peggy Moynihan (1945-2007): Famously had her seat stolen by Lee Harvey Oswald at the Texas Theater in Dallas on the day JFK was shot while she was peeing on a toilet seat in the bathroom.
“It’s so inspiring to know where you come from,” says Moynihan, pissing all over her half-bath’s toilet seat.