Ally? This Straight Guy Likes to Gossip 

On the surface, 26-year-old Tyler Matthews seems like a boring, straight cis guy, or so we thought: Recently it’s been discovered that he likes to gossip, making him an ally to both women and the LGBTQ community at large.


Tyler was seen last Saturday at a small party in New York, where he went up to his two friends and asked “Don’t you guys think that something’s going on between Sylvie and Kev?”


Yes, we do, Tyler! Thank you for asking!


“Of course he’s an ally,” says Tyler’s friend, Sophie. “What non-ally straight dude would suggest something like that? It was a totally messy accusation, especially since Sylvie is in a long-term relationship with a really nice guy.”


“There’s no doubt that it was said to incite drama at the party,” Sophie adds. “Which makes me feel supported and seen.”


Tyler was also reported saying things like “Oh my god, did you see that guy’s fedora? What’s that all about?” and “Did y’all hear that Emily is addicted to weed again?”


Super juicy stuff! Keep it coming!


When asked frankly about his support of marginalized genders and sexualities, Tyler said, “Yeah. Totally. I think everyone should have rights. By the way, you know Frankie is a trust fund baby, right? They pretend to be broke, but it’s like, you’re never not calling an Uber.”


Okay, king! Thank you for your support!



“It’s so nice to be able to feel safe around a straight man,” Sophie adds. “I usually feel judged when I try to gossip around them, but with Tyler, it just feels different. He’s right there with me.”


Not many people know this, but Tyler has actually been an ally for years. He began gossiping as early as the second grade.


“Yeah, I guess I’ve always just liked to talk and speculate about people with my friends,” Tyler adds. “Doesn’t everyone do that?”


Maybe so, but for a straight man to not at least feign disinterest in other people’s business is a huge step for gender equality.


“I guess I am an ally,” Tyler says. “I can’t wait to tell this to my ex-girlfriend who dumped me for telling all her secrets.”


We salute you, Tyler!