9 Out Of 10 Women Unimpressed With Greg’s Penis

According to a groundbreaking study held by the Kinsey Institute, at least nine out of ten women report being severely unimpressed with the quality of Greg’s penis. The study is being heralded as a tremendous success for the Institute and a huge bummer for Greg.


“We know that when it comes to male genitalia, size isn’t the only thing that matters,” said Dr. Leslie Franc, a Women’s Opinion Group researcher and primary host of the study. “We see that very clearly in the case of Greg’s penis, which disappoints not just in size but generally across the board. His overall shape, girth, texture, vascularity, hardness, head shape, and color were all determined to be subpar.”


“It wasn’t the worst penis out there, but it definitely wasn’t the best,” says Chelsea Jones, a recent sexual partner who was quoted in the findings. “Like, not even close to the best.”



Women participating in the survey were asked to rank Greg’s penis on factors such as length, girth, and overall pleasantness. A scale of 1-10 was used to poll participants, with 1 being “This is a penis?” and 10 being “I would carry drugs across the border for this penis.” Of the 143 women surveyed, 90% of women surveyed ranked the overall pleasantness of Greg’s member at a 3 or lower. 98 reported that the girth of the penis in question was a 4 or lower, reflecting that it was “okay but still made me wonder if I should do more Kegels,” and 121 reported that the length was a 2 or lower, putting him solidly in the camp of “not worth getting my sheets sweaty.”


Alexa Springer, his most recent Tinder date, gave Greg’s penis an overall ranking of 2, adding, “When his profile said ‘I’ll fill that void inside of you,’ he must have been talking about my emotional void, because there’s no way his penis could satisfy any woman who’s ever seen another penis before.”


Researchers say that opinions regarding Greg’s personality requires further study, as the data collected on them was inconclusive.