You and your best friend have an indescribable relationship. And when you read the dictionary together when you were a little day-drunk in the library, it was almost spooky how accurate each definition of “friend” was. Here are all the times the Merriam-Webster definition of “friend” was totally about you and your sister from another mister:
1a: “one attached to another by affection or esteem”
Merriam-Webster, stop eavesdropping on brunch! The two of you are attached at the hip by both affection and esteem. Like that time that you and your bestie took a “Which Taylor Swift Are You” quiz and both got the same answer (“Amazing BFF Taylor”, obvi) and sent it to each other at the same time because you love and respect each other SO MUCH.
1b: “an acquaintance”
Wow! The dictionary just gets your origin story. You totally did start off as acquaintances, just two cute girls suffering through the hell that was Mr. Stevenson’s geometry class. Only after you partnered up for that logic assignment did you realize that you’d found your platonic soulmate.
2a: “one that is not hostile”
While other girls might get into fights and make up all the time, you and your BFF literally never argue. Even when you have to tell her that her breath is bad or her boyfriend is the worst, you still manage to say it in the same breath as “LYLAS.” Have the people who make the dictionary been reading your texts or something?!?
2b: “one that is of the same nation, party, or group”
OK, you’d have to do some serious stalking to get this 100%, but the dictionary nailed it! You and your BFF were both born in the US of A, you go to all the same parties, and you belong to the “BEACH ADVENTURE 2K13” group on Facebook. Spooky.
3: “one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)”
Remember that time you both did that breast cancer walk in Boston and you wore her pink shirt and she wore your pink sports bra? So magical. Can we get a slow clap for the dictionary right now?
4: “a favored companion”
UGH, this is so you guys. Who did she ask to pick her up from oral surgery in order to film her hilarious recovery? Who did you call in tears when that mean cop pulled you over? You are both each other’s favored companions, and no man can ever change that.
5: “capitalized: a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker”
Um okayyy, dictionary. This one seems like a metaphor or something, but you do sense an inner light radiating from your BFFL and you often text her in all caps, like “HEY FRIEND.” So deep, just like the bond between you.
Can someone give the dictionary an A+ for accuracy? Or call the cops because it knows you and your BFF as well as you know each other, which is probably too much! LOL.
