With all the hospitals, birthing tubs, and traffic jams out there, it can be hard to decide on the perfect place to go into labor. Where will be the most comfortable? What’s available on your due date? What will fit your budget? What about the ambience? And hey—who’s gonna clean up that mess?! Well, wonder no more! Here are a few dreamy AirBNB rentals to plop out your bundle of joy in:
- Simple Queen Bedroom in Key West, FL
This humble, nautical bedroom in Florida’s Key West is the ideal vacation escape for you and your full-term fetus! The rental includes a bedroom, bathroom, and use of the kitchen and living areas of the homeowners Douglas and Kathlyn Fontaine, who live downstairs and are hard of hearing. Neither of the two retirees will hear your wails. You can borrow Doug and Kathlyn’s spare towels to lay down on the bed, porch, little banquette bench—wherever you think you prefer to lay down and birth your child. Bonus: They don’t charge extra for a third guest!
- Modern Ski Chalet in Durango, CO
Love to hit the slopes, but just too pregnant to get out there? Have your cake and eat it too with this lovely modern take on the traditional Swiss chalet-turned-birthing suite! The all-white décor will calm your mind and soul as you bring life into this world via water birth. Your husband and doula can trade off on who helps you push and who tears up some of the freshest powder in the American Southwest. And with 14 other guests in the lodge, you’ll never feel alone! Once you’re all sewn up, slip into a micro-terry robe and pad down to the den for wine and cheese hour every day at 4:00 PM. Go ahead, ask your host for another glass—it’s been a long nine months!
- Honeymoon Suite Bed and Breakfast in Lake George, NY
Let someone else clean up the mess for once! This warm, sensual hideaway is the perfect destination for you, your husband, your three-year-old twin boys, and your baby on the way. While the so-called Honeymoon Suite isn’t typically meant for having babies, it sure was made for making ‘em, so why not drop out your three-weeks-past-due bundle of joy here? Your husband can take the boys out on the provided beach cruiser bikes while you push out a ten-pound baby in peace. Ah, romance!
- Classic Victorian House in San Jose, California
Lose yourself in the sweeping drama of a Jane Austen novel with this incredible Victorian house and birthing tub! Maintained by two history-loving couples, this stately manor is available for weekend rentals from May to October—AKA prime labor season! All the linens, carpets, and floors are original to the house, painstakingly restored by a contractor with expertise in landmarked properties. Your broken membranes will be gushing fetal fluid right down into the grain of history. Cool! Also they serve tea.
- Eclectic Home Rental in Houston, TX
Take a pinch of kitsch, a scoop of adventure, and a whole lot of Southern charm, and you’ve got this unusual lofted ranch to squirt baby guts all over! The owner of this home built it himself and handcrafted most of the furniture and fixtures; also, he is squeamish about blood. Make sure to use the full bath upstairs to glorp out your newborn, since the owner never really goes up there and shouldn’t notice the mess once you’re gone. Yee-haw!
- Euro-Style Hostel in Seattle, WA
On a budget? Save money by sharing the room with some traveling students in this futuristic hostel/labor ward. It’s fun to meet new people, especially if they have steel constitutions and don’t mind the noise. Your doula can even make a trip out of it with her family—this room fits up to eight people! Keep any medications or christening dresses in the provided lockers. Plus, they’re 420-friendly, just in case you need something to take the edge off. Welcome home, baby!
- Austere Log Cabin in Fort Atkinson, Nebraska
If you’re planning to do your labor au naturel, go all the way with this dangerously uninsulated log cabin deep in the middle of nowhere. Make your husband wait outside while you and a 14-year-old girl try to keep a basin of water warm enough for the baby, which may or may not be breached. The dirt floors are nice and soft on your swollen feet. Don’t be afraid to perform your own C-section in this austere environment! If you really want to get into the settle spirit, go ahead and die in childbirth.
Any of these AirBNBs are perfect for poopin’ out a lil’ baby on the floor. Check, please!