Weed pens—who doesn’t have one these days? These little battery-operated, USB-charged lifesavers are discreet and convenient, making it easier than ever to get all stoney baloney. So, where exactly should we take this little technological wonder? Sit back, relax, and shift into the chill zone.*
*These places do not allow marijuana consumption onsite, but it’s fully legal and chill af to bring the weed pen inside and set it on the table or in your pocket. Don’t be an idiot about it tho!
1. Baskin Robbins
Formerly known as 31 Flavors, this ice cream shop is a top place to be with a weed pen in tow. Take some quick sips on your weed pen outside the Baskin Robbins near your aunt’s house and satiate your pothead dry mouth with the refreshing taste of Jamoca Almond Fudge while laughing at the names of these flavors! So chill! Top Pick: 6” Round Celebration Party Ice Cream Cake and a spoon, baby!
Pizza, pasta, calzones—Italian food always tastes better from a mall, airport, or Vegas casino! Sbarro is one of the chillest places to take your weed pen. Sip on your bad boy outside the mall or airport (reminder: use extra caution at the airport). Pizza and weed pens go together better than pizza and beer ever did! Really feel that cheese on your tongue and then pass out in a hard booth because this whole thing is chill af. Top Pick: Sausage, Bacon, and Pepperoni Stromboli
We know what you’re thinking—isn’t this Mexican fast food chain missing a vowel in its name? But Qdoba is so much more than a restaurant possibly missing a vowel in its name. Suck down an entire weed pen vapor cartridge in your car and enjoy a dining experience nearly identical to Rubio’s Baja Grill. It really doesn’t matter where you are right now as long as you can point at a food thing and have it brought to you. Chillness. Top Pick: Stoner’s Delight (Loaded Tortilla Soup and Three Cheese Nachos).
4. Dave & Buster’s
WARNING: The next chill-ass place is not a chill-ass place. This list should really be called “6 Chill-Ass Places To Bring Your Weed Pen And One Not Chill-Ass Place To Bring Your Weed Pen” but that title is too long and you’re stoned right now. Dave & Buster’s is too noisy and crowded, and many weed pen users will find the florescent lights unsettling. Plus, tons of kids, and all their tired, suburban parents look like cops. Advanced only: three years of weed pen usage required before participation. Avoid if possible. Top Pick: Philly Steak Rolls, which is an egg roll with steak and melted cheese inside.
5. The Cheesecake Factory
For more upscale weed pen users, the Cheesecake Factory is the place to be. In what may be one of the longest menus ever written, the Cheesecake Factory is an actual factory that produces way more than just cheesecake. Franchises across the country are required to keep their lights dimmed, making it a great pick for any paranoid weed pen users who don’t like to see other dining patrons. The portions may be big for some, but not for your munchy-ass self! Top Pick: Pair the Chicken Bellagio with a Mai Tai and you’re golden.
6. Dunkin’ Donuts
Once upon a time, a man named God invented donuts and opened the first Dunkin’ Donuts. Ever since, weed pen users have been going nuts for their treats. Staring at a case of fresh-ish donuts while you’re faded af is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Kill three birds with one stone by visiting a Dunkin’ Donuts-Baskin Robbins-Togo’s combination restaurant for a dining experience your weed pen will never forget. Top Pick: Frozen Mocha Coffee Coolatta and a baker’s dozen of anything custard-filled.
7. Taco Bell
There isn’t much to explain regarding my seventh choice. I’ve heard rumors that weed pens were invented by Taco Bell. I’ve even heard some rumors from reliable sources that weed itself was invented by Taco Bell. While it’s not technically legal to sip on your weed pen inside the restaurant, rest assured that it might as well be. Top Pick: Everything.
These seven chill-ass places will bring you and your weed pen closer than you could have ever imagined. Maybe, if we work just hard enough, we can petition for all of these restaurants to be combined into one mega chill-ass place to bring your weed pen.