5 Yoga Poses to Make Sure Your Body is Dan Ready

Dan gets back from his business trip tomorrow and wants to fuck all of you. Even though you know that the fact that you’re naked is enough for Dan, you can’t help but feel like you need to tighten that shit up. Break out these yoga poses to get in shape and more flexible than Gumby in a taffy-puller for that all-night fuck fest!



This yoga pose builds stamina, strength and endurance, all of which you will absolutely need if you’re spending any time at all in a bed with Dan. Since you spent all of last weekend eating your feelings when you thought he wasn’t interested in you, this total-body pose will give you a quick all over-definition. Now get in here, Dan. It’s fuck o’clock.


Boat Pose

Sit on your glutes with your knees bent and flat on the floor. Squeeze your legs together, as if Dan is between them. This will add definition to your glutes, making them look sleek and streamlined. So go ahead and tell Dan to keep the lights on this time, you tiger!


Bridge Pose

If you need to look good naked in a pinch, your butt and belly should be your top priorities – especially since they were the parts you felt self-conscious about the last time Dan rode you like a cowboy. Lie on your back, knees bent, feet near your buttocks. Maintaining that straight line, tilt your hips up knowing full well that Dan is going to put you in this position the instant he sees you! Body, prepare for Dan-landing.


Downward Facing Dog

This is also Dan’s favorite sex position, so definitely incorporate downward facing dog into your yoga practice. Not only will this tone your inner thighs, this pose will make you more bendable, so think of it as a warm-up for Saturday night! Dan incoming—literally!



Savasana (Corpse Pose)

Lay down, completely relaxed, as if Dan just had his way with you. You’re going to need a lot of practice lying on your back if you’re planning on spending any time at all with Dan! Because that’s all you two seem to do together. Just fuck. Not even talk. Whatever, he’s hot and your body is Dan-ready!


Remember to keep muscles from cramping by staying hydrated during your workout and after all that sex you are having with Dan!