Spring is around the corner, and you won’t be able to shroud your holiday indulgences in a cowl neck sweater under a down jacket wrapped in a circle scarf anymore. There’s only one fashion-forward solution that will distract unwanted eyes from your extra pounds: carry an adorable, tiny dog! Here are the most popular tiny dogs to hold until you finally finish that juice cleanse:
Miniature Poodle
These cuties can reach up to 15 pounds – big enough to hide your belly after a winter of Seamless deliveries. With a mini poodle in the biggest purse you can find, you can buy yourself time until you that muffin top recedes.
Jack Russell Terrier
These little jerks are known for their nonstop energy, and will squirm wildly enough to distract from your swollen thighs. Squeeze into last year’s skinny jeans and take a friction-filled walk around the neighborhood, judgment-free.
Teacup Yorkie
This teeny breed fits right in your palm, so carry him to disguise your upper arms, back fat, or your new double chin. For reliable coverage of cankles, you’ll want two baby-brother Yorkies. For a true slimming effect, wear the entire litter!
Pomeranian
Camouflage your flab entirely with the leftover fur from these notoriously fluffy shedders. Embarrassed by your pudgy calves? Cover them with silken fur you’ve collected from around your house. Everyone understands the “ugh, dog hair!” excuse for why your oants are covered in your precious Pom Pom.
Chihuahua
Chihuahuas will bite almost anything. If you had a similar motto this winter, we recommend getting at least one. People will be so terrified by this yappy dog, they’ll barely have time to assess the pathetic state of your body.
Whether you’ve already joined a gym or are still thinking about it, hide your pudge with a cute puppy this spring! Isn’t it time you fed someone beside yourself, after all?
