The coronavirus pandemic sweeping the globe is nothing short of horrendous. People are dying in droves, being dipped into the throes of poverty, and being forced to grieve their loved ones in solitude. But nothing of the devastation the world is experiencing even comes close to the fact that your special day is coming up and you don’t even get to party for it! So here are some simple ways to make the global COVID-19 pandemic about missing your birthday.
Be as public as possible about it.
When it comes to making sure people know that it’s not just time to celebrate healthcare workers, it’s also time to celebrate you, you need to make sure your voice is the loudest. Tell everyone you see. Grocery clerks, UPS guys, even strangers you pass from six feet away!
If you’re in a major metropolitan area, leave.
Stuck in NYC or Chicago or LA? Get out of there! You already have enough to deal with when it comes to getting missed birthday attention, you don’t want a population of millions terrified of contracting a deadly virus to distract from that! Head to your parents house or something. Just make sure you’re quiet about it!
Don’t read the news.
Make sure to avoid any and all news outlets. Sure, it’s probably good to have some semblance of what’s going on in the world coronavirus-wise, but then you’ll have to recognize all the people who are sick and dying instead of focusing on yourself and your special day. That’s not fair, birthday girl!
Post about it on all your socials.
People have been posting lots of tributes and links to charities and direct action campaigns to provide support for those affected by COVID-19. Well, break up all that negativity! Post as much as you can about how it’s so sad that you won’t get to go to Benihana this year for your not-even-a-milestone birthday. The people need some hope!
Take pictures of the party you throw yourself.
Okay so, just because your boyfriend went out of his way to buy you that cake you like and your sous chef roommate is making you your favorite dinner and your parents sent you a new iPhone and you’re having a legitimate albeit small party with the people who you live with doesn’t mean that you can’t post pictures of it with the tags #missedbday, #birthdayinquarantine, or even #thisfuckingsucks! Go all out with the pity party while people are suffering and dying, sis. That’s your right!
Try any of these simple techniques when you wanna make an international disease crisis more focused on you and the fact that you were born. Good luck!