5 Shorts That Let Everyone Know You Denounce the Prophecies of the Groundhog

It was foretold in the scriptures you would wear mid-rise denim shorts. To destroy the false prophet, you must don them over your thighs, go out into the world, and proclaim to all, “Don’t listen to the beast who lies with shadows! The spring equinox is upon us! And it’s like, what? 70 degrees outside?”