Let’s be real: We all have opinions. But expressing strong thoughts can ruin the environment for people around you who maybe aren’t looking to have their night ruined. So the next time you slip up and assert your beliefs about something, here are some cute ways to distance yourself from those difficult opinions of yours.
1. Check with your guy first.
“Gosh, I don’t know, let’s see what Chad thinks.” Letting a man state his opinion over your own is a great way to share your opinion in a way that can be easily ignored. And who knows; while Chad is talking, he might even say part of what you were thinking! If he does, you can nod vigorously and say “Yeah, I think that, too!” You’ll just look like a supportive girlfriend. In our opinion, that is cool!
2. Say “I don’t know” after every word in your sentence.
“Geez, the patriarchy seems pretty darn bad, I don’t know.” This is a good strategy to weaken your point of view. If you don’t know anything, you can’t scare anyone except maybe yourself. This is an especially good tool to use when talking about the complicated systems that push women down and take their power away. “Wow, misogyny, right? I don’t know, seems pretty bad. But I don’t know.”
3. Hide your face in your hands, then peek out to make statements.
“Wow,” (hide), “I think” (hide) “systemic oppression” (hide) “is pretty nasty!” (hide again, then from behind your hands) “I don’t know!!” Hiding your face will weaken your words, but think about how fun it will be! You can still stay things that you strongly believe, like “The social systems we live in often disempower women,” but hiding behind your hands will make that sentiment much more adorable for the people around you.
4. When in doubt, laugh!
Laugh maniacally. Laugh and laugh. Do they look like they forgot about you speaking your mind yet? No? Keep laughing. Laugh until they forget that your mind can form serious thoughts about anything, much less the Electoral College. Hahahahahaaha!!!
5. Dive into a pile of dead Christmas trees.
To avoid ever talking to another human being, visit a dump after the holidays and dive into a pile of dead Christmas trees. Safe in the dried-out needles, you can whisper as many strong opinions as you want. No one will know!
There you go! These are just a few handy tricks for avoiding stating too strong of an opinion. Use them as much as you want, or as little. We don’t know, you pick!!!!