4 Hydrating Face Masks That Won’t Do Shit Since You Don’t Drink Water

Moon Mask (Glossier, $22)

Sweet almond oil and plant-derived squalane are a godsend for parched skin, but they won’t do anything for your parched organs as they call out in vain for the H2O you refuse to give them. Slather the creamy Moon Mask onto a freshly washed face, and your skin will be singing, “They found water on the moon, but there isn’t any in this body.” In other words, this will not work.