4 Cocktail Dresses That Say “Where the Fuck Are the Pigs in a Blanket?”

Ruffle Wrap Midi Dress, (Express, $88.00)

Mustard anyone? Yes, bitch! Let people know you’re simply gaga for the gold stuff by wrapping yourself in this silky yellow number while a server named Jason wraps cocktail franks in croissant dough behind the DJ booth! Slide past your college friend’s high school friend’s mom in this slinky gown and slide into toothpick town where Trayson (Jason with the tray) will let you dunk doggies into whatever ‘stard you please. Lookin’ good, hon!