3 Sex Positions That Physically Don’t Work Unless Queer Eye Is On, Sorry!

If your love life’s feeling a little lackluster, maybe it’s time you spice things up by watching a sexy flick with your beau in the boudoir. And there’s literally nothing spicier than the new Queer Eye reboot on Netflix. Like, literally, none of these sex positions are gonna happen unless Queer Eye is on.



You’ve probably been doing missionary for years and years, all the while wondering why this totally vanilla sex position isn’t working for you. Well the truth is this: Missionary simply does not work unless the woman is also comfortably watching the new Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on Netflix. It’s hard to explain but it’s a science thing and there’s just no way around it. Sorry!


Reverse Cowgirl

If you’re looking for a position where the woman has a lot of control, then the reverse cowgirl is for you! But also oh my god, wow, did you know this position only works if the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy reboot is streaming? Yeah, it’s something about women’s anatomy and the location of the clitoris but also it lets you face forward so you won’t miss Antoni’s guac recipe. If you’re a guy who’s worried this might “kill the vibe”, just know that women’s anatomy is complicated and sorry but this is the only way!




If your man has been asking you to try anal but you just aren’t sure if it’s for you, should consider this very important fact: Anal is not physically possible for a woman unless she has fully engaged in that episode of Queer Eye where they remake a whole fire house? I mean, my god, so sweet!! Actually, if you try anal without Queer Eye the butthole just closes up completely it’s so crazy. Sexologist Alfred Kinsey actually wrote about this phenomenon in the 1940’s when he was like, “I mean sure try anal but you know it won’t work unless Queer Eye is on and that’s a fact.” Men, don’t Google this. You just have to trust!


Wow, doesn’t it feel amazing to learn more about the mystery that is women’s sexuality. Turns out, sometimes women just need to be watching a reboot of a fun but, sure, slightly problematic reality show to get into it! Sorry!