10 Ways To Kill Time in the Bathroom While You’re Pretending to Do Coke

Office Pooping Stalemate

It’s tough being the last person left in your friend group who isn’t super into cocaine. When your bestie invites you to slip away to the bathroom and do a few lines, you don’t want to give in to peer pressure — you’re an adult, aren’t you? — but you also don’t want to look totally lame. Here are ten activities that will keep you in the stall long enough to convince everyone that you were definitely, absolutely going whole hog on the nose candy:


1. Experiment with a new hair or makeup look.

This one will be a bit tricky if you’re stuck in a bathroom stall with no mirror. But don’t worry; if you come out looking like a mess, everyone will just think it’s from all the coke!


2. Finally remember to use your prescription nasal spray.

It’s so easy to forget to regularly take the medications your doctor prescribes. Luckily, you now have a reason to sound like you’re snorting something up your nose. Take that, allergies!


3. Change your tampon.

Not on your period? Not a problem. We’re just trying to kill time here, so go ahead and put one in anyway. What’s the harm in that?



4. Call your grandparents.

You’ve been meaning to call them, but you keep putting it off. Why do you do that? You know they love hearing from you.


5. Go to UrbanDictionary.com and look up euphemisms for coke.

We already started you off at the top of this post with “lines” and “nose candy.” You’re welcome! Now it’s your turn to learn more of the lingo so you don’t blow your drug-free cover.


6. Grab a roll of toilet paper and wrap yourself up like a mummy.

It was fun doing this as a kid, and it’s still fun now! See? You don’t need coke to have a good time.


7. Organize the loose change in your purse.

Did you know if you have 100 pennies that equals a whole dollar? Get digging in there, sister!


8. See if you can pee standing up.

I mean…how do you know you can’t do it if you’ve never even tried?


9. Stare at the ceiling tiles and critique the design.

Is that Art Deco? Wow.


10. Snort crack instead.

Is it still a drug? Yes. Is it coke? Not really! So you’re all good. You’re not gonna do a cool drug just to be cool, so do a sad drug just to be different! Crack is not coke.


There, that’s plenty of time to convince your coked-out friends that you’re a total blow fiend! Have fun, girl!