Do you really want to let your texting game get sloppy just because a blood clot has formed in your brain? Are you numb or weak on one side of your face or body? Suddenly confused by the words coming out of the mouths of people around you? Dizzy? You’re probably having a stroke, but totes don’t worry! This easy guide will ensure your text convos maintain maximum breeziness during this medical catastrophe.
1. Lean heavily on one letter.
It’s toooooootally a pouty and flirtatious ruse. The keyboard is a great place to rest your finger when you lose feeling in your hands. Recipients will assume you’re really excited about something rather than setting into a panic.
2. Shorten everything!
Your verbal dexterity is gone – so what! U only rly need like 11 letters in the alphabet NEway. Toss a # in there if it feels rite. For example: “Duz NE1 smll burnt t04st??”
3. Steal acronyms from yr little cuz!
Everyone knows the standards (OMG, LOL, DTF) but you can literally just put three random letters together and no one will admit they don’t know what it means. KTP. ROFS1111111.
4. Get rid of words altogether.
Emojis add mystery and zest to your convo while you navigate this major brain event. And no, it doesn’t matter that you can’t remember the difference between the two dancing ladies and the cannonball bomb. You’ll be so hilarious and random!
5. Utilize arbitrary capitalization.
It’s whimsical! And honestly, you won’t be able to see the screen well enough to deal with the shift button anyway.
6. Blame autocorrect!
No matter how your word salad comes out, we as a society are conditioned to accept that autocorrect is the worst! Like that metallic taste in your mouth.
7. Lose the punctuation.
If you start adding exclamation points all over the place, people are gonna know something’s wrong with your brain and all your work will be ruined. Don’t bother.
8. Love the letter “K”.
It’s a response, a dismissal, an affirmation, or an acknowledgment—basically the SUREFIRE SOLUTION TO YOUR TEXTING-DURING-STROKE PROBLEM.
K?
