Author Archives for Emily Zauzmer

Nation’s Horny Meteorologists Report It’s Lovely Weather for a Sleigh Ride Together With You

‘It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!’ Says Woman Totally Forgetting About Times It’s Warm

Push-Up More Push Than Up

Centuries of Human Innovation Culminate in Woman Checking Email on Airplane Toilet

Couple Splits Thanksgiving Weekend Between Avoiding His Family and Avoiding Her Family

Adventurous Zit Studies Abroad on Shoulder

Woman Hoisting Suitcase Into Overhead Bin Hopes Everyone on Plane Marveling at Her Strength

Spin Studio Celebrates Woman’s 500th Urge to Stop

Alarming Study Finds We’re All Just Supposed to Eat Healthy for the Rest of Our Lives

What the Fuck? Everyone Else in Workout Class Already in Shape

Salad 81% Dressing

Woman Accepts Cookies So Website Won’t Be Mad at Her

Growth! This Woman Isn’t Thinking About Her Ex Because She’s Thinking About the Ex Before Him

Woman Enjoys Well-Balanced Dinner of Whatever’s in Fridge

New Shoe Launches Buzzy Collaboration With Blister

Responsible Pedestrian Looks Both Ways to Check Whether Anyone Hot Nearby

Flirty Dog Slides Into Crush’s BMs

Woman Wades Back Into Neglected Text Chain With Unapologetic ‘Hey!’

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