Author Archives for Emily Zauzmer

Grand Plan to Eat Healthier Lasts One Cucumber

‘Time Flies!’ Says Woman Who’s Never Tried to Grow Out Bangs

Woman’s Dream to Be Peripheral Member of Toxic Celebrity Mom Group

Laxative No Match for Everything Else in There

NHL Launches ‘Heated Rivalry’ Spin-Off, ‘Hockey’

Butterflies in Stomach Actually Expired Ham

Burnt-Out Santa Hopes All of Western Hemisphere Likes Play-Doh

Woman Nails Day One of One-Day Exercise Challenge

Nation’s Horny Meteorologists Report It’s Lovely Weather for a Sleigh Ride Together With You

‘It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!’ Says Woman Totally Forgetting About Times It’s Warm

Push-Up More Push Than Up

Centuries of Human Innovation Culminate in Woman Checking Email on Airplane Toilet

Couple Splits Thanksgiving Weekend Between Avoiding His Family and Avoiding Her Family

Adventurous Zit Studies Abroad on Shoulder

Woman Hoisting Suitcase Into Overhead Bin Hopes Everyone on Plane Marveling at Her Strength

Spin Studio Celebrates Woman’s 500th Urge to Stop

Alarming Study Finds We’re All Just Supposed to Eat Healthy for the Rest of Our Lives

What the Fuck? Everyone Else in Workout Class Already in Shape

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