Author Archives for Emily Zauzmer

Birthday Cake Enjoys Fulfilling Retirement as Breakfast

Woman Hopes Lightly Wiggling Drain Stopper Solves Clog That Goes 11 Inches Deep

Woman Texting Group Chat About Crush Double-Checks That ‘Atlantic’ Editor Not in Here

Woman Sitting Up Really Straight for 4 Minutes Figures Posture Good Now

Entire Outfit Planned Around Which Bra Is Clean

Finally! Barilla Adds Time Estimates for Impatient Bitches Who Throw in Pasta Before Water Is Boiling

Woman Who Just Washed Her Sheets to Sleep Directly on Mattress for Next Five Nights

Whoops! Woman Full by Time She Gets to Only Healthy Thing on Plate

Sun Hopes to Parlay All This Buzz from Setting Later Into Some Brand Deals

woman at dentist

Woman at Dentist Hopes Cavity Expert Who Spends All Day Finding Cavities Doesn’t Notice Her Cavities

Woman Sensing Right Away She Should Have Sprung for Pricier Toilet Paper

‘Breakfast Is the Most Important Meal of the Day,’ Says Woman Forgetting About Second Dessert

What? This Woman Is Nearing the 30 That the 13 Was Going On

Aww! Old Song Takes Woman Right Back to Month It Was Popular on TikTok

Wow! This Woman Took a Dump So Explosive All the Charmin Bears Turned Around Like Judges on ‘The Voice’

How to Romanticize Your Life So Much ‘This Will Be’ Plays When You Enter a Room

Highest Honor Woman Can Bestow Pressing ‘Haha’ While Also Typing ‘Hahaha’

Wow! This Woman Doesn’t Need External Validation, Right?

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