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Selfless! This Man Doesn’t Want His Sex Crimes to Distract From a Sex Criminal’s Presidency

How to Instantly Feel More Awake in the Morning by Being Late to Something

Ego Death? This Woman Saw Her Hair From the Back

Woman Watches Musical to Prepare for Movie Musical Adaptation of Musical That Adapted Book

Brilliant Legal Mind? Gossiping Woman Throws in ‘Allegedly’

Spoiler! ‘Wicked’ Movie Ends With Oz Cutting Medicare

‘It’s Probably My ADHD,’ Says Woman Referring to Deep, Insurmountable Well of Sadness

Real-Life Sitcom? These Friends are Taking a Walk Together and Having a Conversation

Free Market Win! Woman Doesn’t Make Enough in Capitalist Country to Move to a Socialist One

‘We’re All a Little Gay,’ Says Woman Who is a Lot Gay

Woman in Fight-or-Flight for Entirety of Haircut

Nice! Woman Honks for Good and Correct Reason and No One Is Mad at Her for It

Impossible! This Person Was Normal About Their Birthday

What? Dog Peeing Without Reading Anything on Phone

Woman Feeling Great Takes Anticipatory Advil

Dude Who Discriminates Based on Age, Weight, & Hair Color Appalled That ‘Nazi Sympathizer’ is Dealbreaker for Woman

RFK’s Brain Worm Did Not Sign Up for This Shit

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