You’re Moving?? Oh No Can I Buy Your Couch?!

Oh no! I can’t believe you’re actually moving. Why!?! This is terrible, but oh my gosh what are you doing with your couch? Are you selling it? I would totally buy it from you, just FYI, if you’re selling it. I don’t know if you’re selling it but I love that couch so much and I’m so sad you’re moving but oh my god, put me first on the list for that couch.


Couch couch couch. I want it. Me me me, your couch. Don’t forget. Whyyyy!?!?!?!?


Anyway I guess we’re just going to have to visit each other now. Seriously, I’m totally coming to visit you. And I’m fine sleeping on your couch, if you still have it, but another option would be for you to sell it to me. I don’t suppose you know what you’re doing with that couch yet but I’ve got dibs. I’m gonna miss you so much!


I can’t believe this is happening! It feels like everybody moves to a different city! This totally sucks. Why can’t someone move here for once? And yes, I do have other friends here, but their couches suck. I don’t know where I’m ever going to be able to sit on an awesome couch again, unless of course you sell me that couch but of course that’s up to you. Does that couch fit in your new apartment?


We should go out for drinks one more time before you leave! Seriously, I’m happy for you even though I’m so sad about this, but it’s not about me, is it? I know you need a job so it’s okay that you’re totally abandoning me and destroying my already fragile social network, although one way you could make it up to me is by selling me that couch. Just think about it for a while.


We also have to take the pole dancing class together! We’ve been talking about it for ages and we’ve never done it, so it’s do or die now. And I hear it’s a really great workout, so I bet afterwards we’re going to want to come home and just sit on the … chair.



I know you’re probably really busy packing and stuff, but do you happen to know which movers are most reliable, and also the measurements of your couch? I wonder if it would even fit in my living room because I’ve already measured my room – for something else, obviously – but also I measured your couch last time I was over and you went to the bathroom for a second. That’s not weird, is it? I just wanted to know for my own personal reasons, like sometimes I just like to think about possibilities. But I must have put that out into the universe, because now you’re moving and that couch is up for grabs! Or is it? I guess it’s up to you. Call me as soon as you know. Although if you text me I’ll answer sooner.


I know you’re going to have a great life in your new place! I can’t wait to come visit you and see your new apartment, including what kind of new couch you might be getting when I get your old one! If that’s what you decide, of course.