You Go Girl! This Woman Will Keep Making Lateral Career Moves Until The Day She Dies

Like many millennials, 32-year-old Zoe Hanson has worked a variety of jobs since graduating college. But while her peers have taken on title changes, promotions, raises and Christmas bonuses, this kween marches to the beat of her own drum. That’s right: Hanson has made lateral career move after lateral career move, and will do so until the day she makes a lateral move to her final resting place.


So what’s her secret? The sales associate puts in just the amount of effort required to keep her job, but not enough to get any sort of professional accolades whatsoever. That way, when she changes her job, Hanson ensures she’s just sidestepping into the same job at a new company.


How does she make it look this easy?! Can someone say, “BOSS BITCH”?


“I found something I’m moderately good at that I don’t hate too much,” Hanson dishes. “What more could I want out of my career than that?”


Good question, sister! We literally have no idea.


Hanson just started a new job working for a medical supplier, which she boasts is “fine!” The Cleveland resident tells us she got sick of her old job—selling for a different medical supplier that does the exact same thing as her new job. She’d been there for three years, coasting, until she got bored and decided to do something, “different, but mostly the same,” she says. So she booted up the ol’ LinkedIn Premium and took the first job she was offered! Ladies: THAT’S how you get it done.


“The best part is announcing that I got a new job on Facebook,” says Hanson, whose salary will remain the same for the coming 40-odd years and will likely not account for inflation. “All my family, friends and acquaintances think I got a promotion. I have to admit…it feels great!”


No need to be modest, girl!



For Hanson, life isn’t about being top dog, or making the most money, or having a fancy title. It’s about settling for a lifetime of non-committal mediocrity and then dying. If that’s not feminism, we honestly can’t tell you what is!


So next time you get down on your job, look to Zoe Hanson for inspo. Take a page out of this slay-all-day kinda bitch: Quit your job, and do basically the same thing somewhere else until you’re bored and dissatisfied, and repeat. Then die with the knowledge that you did just enough to get by and nothing more. Yes kween!