Yikes! New Crush Tweets At Companies

Having a crush can be exciting, especially when you’re getting to know someone new. But for poor Kelsey DuMont, a red flag has presented itself almost immediately: Her new crush earnestly tweets at companies.


Oh no, Kelsey! Run in the opposite direction!


“He seemed so perfect, we have so much in common,” said Kelsey. “He’s kind, thoughtful, and so so handsome. But then I checked his Twitter account and he had tweeted about a bad flight experience 37 times.”


Kelsey went on to list all the companies that her crush has embarrassingly interacted with on Twitter.



“Like, I understand tweeting at an airline so they’re more inclined to help you” said Kelsey. “But he’s out here tweeting at companies all the time. Wendy’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, Apple, you name it. It’s…hard to watch.


“Don’t even get me started on how much he tweeted at Popeye’s during the chicken sandwich craze,” she added. “Humiliating.”


Oh no, Kelsey! Get out of there while you can!


Jacob Linnehan, the crush in question, doesn’t really see the big deal.


“I mean, most of the time I’m just seeing if I can get some free stuff or something,” he said. “But sometimes, I just tweet at a company because I feel like it. Why not? The person running the account deserves to enjoy their day too.”


“And also I love being part of the beef between Burger King and McDonald’s,” Jacob added, pathetically. “It’s funny!”


Corporations aren’t people, Jacob!



For Kelsey, it’s all a bit much.


“On paper, he’s really my dream man,” she said. “But on Twitter, he’s a nightmare. I can’t think of any self-respecting person who would do this. I don’t think I can overlook this.”


“Can’t he just tweet at porn stars and B-list celebs like a normal dude?” Kelsey added.