When most people take the drug MDMA – or “molly” – they tend to lose track of all their friends at the club and have sex with everyone in sight, leaving a trail of mistakes behind them. But 28-year-old Jazmine Hale proved that you can have willpower on Molly: last Saturday night, she was able to do the impossible – roll out of her goddamn mind, and only hook up with three of her best friends.
“When I’m on molly, it’s like my body has a mind of its own,” says Jazmine. “And usually that body wants to hook up with the first person I can touch. But this past weekend, I wanted more reasonable – something low-key and intimate. So instead of just 15 random hookups, I only challenged the friendships of my three dearest friends with a night that we all regret.”
“Jazmine and I have known each other since freshman year of college,” he explains. “We’ve literally talked about how she’s like a sister to me. So when she pulled me into the gender-neutral bathroom and said she wanted me ‘fist-deep inside of her’ on Saturday, I did it, but I don’t think I can ever look at her again.”
After Brian went home, Jazmine says she kept dancing and scanning the room for her next hookup, but kept returning to the people who she has relied upon during the hardest times of her life.
“I wanted to fuck the bartender, I really did. But I found my best friend Donna first, so we just kind of fingered each other while making intense eye contact for 45 minutes. Way more chill than the usual. Also she’s Dave’s sister.”
Jazmine finished the night with a confusing yet intense bathroom sex session with her absolute closest and best friend and roommate, Katie.
“I wanted to tell Katie how much she means to me,” says Jazmine. “But because of the copious amounts of MDMA coursing through my veins, we ended up having sex as well! Maybe we’ll talk about it over brunch tomorrow, but probably not!”
Wow! Now there is a woman who should definitely be doing drugs!