98% of Woman’s Opinions Come From Strangers’ Tweets She Doesn’t Fully Remember

Watch out, Houston: There’s an opinionated woman in town! A recent study has found that 98% of Kerri Leon’s opinions about politics, pop culture, and human behavior come from strangers’ tweets she doesn’t remember that well.


Leon first started getting most of her opinions from Twitter in early 2010. Previously, her opinions had come from her parents, and later, whatever boy talked at her most confidently. After activating her Twitter account, Leon followed a range of B-list celebrities from her favorite TV shows, comedians, and people whose bad date stories went viral. This smattering of random, dubiously authoritative individuals would go on to shape the backbone of Leon’s fundamental philosophies.


“I would definitely say I’m opinionated,” said Leon. “It’s just that, sometimes, when I say something, I wonder if I actually believe it or know why I believe it.”


Through a decade of scrolling, Leon has come to believe that dairy will kill you, folding fitted sheets is impossible, Florence Pugh is bae, abortion is fine as long as it was a really tough decision for you, Colin Jost and Michael Che are ruining Saturday Night Live (a show Leon does not watch), vegans are self-indulgent virtue signalers who don’t care about the issues that really matter, and Kim Kardashian is the queen of clapbacks but is also to blame for income inequality.



Plucking her opinions from unqualified strangers has occasionally backfired on Leon. For example, when she was recently asked to explain why she thought the tampon tax was the number one issue facing women, she could only say, “I think Alyssa Milano tweeted about it once? Or was it Lauren Duca? Or was it domestic violence?”


Additionally, she found herself at a stalemate when her Twitter followers couldn’t seem to agree on whether the Oscar-nominated film Jojo Rabbit was an offensive, tone-deaf abomination, or an empathetic and nuanced tour de force. The indecision got so bad that she actually had to go see the movie.


For the most part, however, Leon is happy to receive 98% of her takes ready-made from the internet. The remaining 2% of her opinions are about the death penalty and which Sex and the City girl is the best.