Woman Who’s ‘Not Into Drama’ Currently Nurturing Eight Unrelated Grudges

Despite having insisted on multiple occasions that she’s not one of those women who likes to stir shit up, Olivia Willis is currently nurturing eight unrelated grudges with various acquaintances from various parts of her life.


“She has beef with like four women at work,” said her roommate, Emily. “I honestly can’t keep straight why she’s mad at all of them. I think she hates one of them because they said they didn’t like Lady Bird.”


Olivia later confirmed that, yes, that particular grudge is Lady Bird-related, but that her grievances with these specific women are, and always will be, valid.


“Most women butt heads over such petty stuff,” she says. “But my grudges are based on a series of unforgivable offenses.”


Olivia’s boyfriend, Greg, admitted that it’s sometimes difficult to keep these seemingly contradicting life philosophies straight in his mind.


“On the one hand, Olivia says she’s not into drama,” he says. “On the other hand, she still ends up screaming about the women in her life on almost a daily basis. I just try to nod a lot and act supportive. Honestly, I’m not sure what’s going on most of the time. I just know it would be a mistake if I had an opinion about anything she’s mad about.”


Most recently, the target for the majority of Olivia’s wrath appears to be a work colleague named Madeline.


“She’s been wearing hoop earrings a lot when she knows that’s my thing,” Olivia ranted. “I mean, this bitch is clearly trying to Single White Female me.”


Olivia immediately added that, ordinarily, she would consider beef over similar fashion tastes to be petty, but in this particular case, Madeline has definitely gone too far:


“She literally got the exact same earrings as me.”


Olivia’s friend, Meredith, expressed some confusion.


“She always claims to be above immature nonsense,” explains Meredith, “But last week she got mad at me because I didn’t cheer for a singer she liked on American Idol.”



“Oh yeah, I remember that,” said Olivia. “That contestant once underwent heart surgery. She deserved vocal support for her performance of ‘My Cherie Amour’.”


Wow, Olivia! We admire your grit and determination!