In a genius plot emerging from Manhattan, NY, 27-year-old Phaedra Harper was in a very important board meeting this morning when she successfully managed to silence her fictional intrusive thought by instead fixating on a real-life embarrassing memory.
“I could not stop having this intrusive thought during my meeting that I had hit someone with my car on the way to work,” Phaedra told reporters gathered at the scene. “And I know it isn’t true because I probably would have noticed if I’d hit someone with my car. That’s the type of thing you notice! But maybe I hadn’t…”
Phaedra then made the genius move to trade the devil she didn’t know for the one she did, instead choosing to think long and hard about a time two years ago when she publicly forgot the name of someone she’d technically known for about a decade.
“It worked like a charm!” she continued. “Now, I can’t stop thinking about the sheer bodily embarrassment I experienced at the time, but at least I’m not scared I committed an accidental homicide.”
Sources confirm the moment in question was extremely embarrassing for all involved, but mostly for Phaedra.
“There was this woman I’d seen so many times – I mean, we met in college! – but I’d never internalized what her name was,” she continued. “It was way too late to ask, though, so I made a very public swing by calling her Cheryl, only to be immediately corrected that her name was Diya. Not even the correct region of the world…”
Friends at the scene confirm there was a very uncomfortable awkward silence as Diya visibly teared up and excused herself to the other room with a fake smile.
“It wasn’t my fault! The ruse had just gone on too long!” Phaedra continued while staring off into the distance. “Now that I’m thinking about this, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop for the rest of the day. But, at least it’s more manageable than the other thing!”
Coworkers confirm hearing Phaedra whisper “Diya, Diya, Diya,” to herself throughout the day in some form of self-punishment.
“I can tell everyone is really concerned about me, but I couldn’t be more thrilled with the way this has turned out,” Phaedra continued. “I’m so embarrassed by my past mistake that I don’t even have the bandwidth to consider the possibility that I hit and killed a pedestrian this morning without realizing it!”
As of press time, Phaedra was on her way home, hit a pothole, and is now once again convinced she has killed someone.
