In a clairvoyant and, frankly, chilling story out of Los Angeles, CA, type-A 26-year-old Yasmine Nousha is making plans for the next several weeks, but she’s taking care to pencil in time for the mysterious ailment she will inevitably experience sometime in that window.
“I know I’m visiting my parents on the 5th,” she told reporters gathered in her kitchen, where she was filling out a calendar hanging on her fridge. “Which means I’ll get back into town on the 9th, followed immediately by a series of my friend’s birthdays, and that period of time will probably end with me starting to develop any number of mysterious symptoms.”
The specificity with which Yasmine described this ailment was remarkable.
“The last birthday party will probably be on that Thursday,” she said apprehensively, staring at the calendar and tapping her pencil against her chin. “But I have a feeling I’m going to develop a bit of a stuffy nose the night before. I’ll test negative for every single virus known to man, but out of an abundance of caution, I’ll probably stay home that night anyway to avoid getting everyone sick.”
She wrote all of this down on her calendar, even the part about sending her friend a long text message with her regrets.
“I’ll probably hope that I wake up feeling better – and that it’s just a 24-hour bug – but odds are I’ll wake up feeling even worse,” she continued with extreme nonchalance. “So I’ll call out of the office that next day, but I’ll work remotely instead of really resting, which will only exacerbate my symptoms.”
As far as what those symptoms will be, Yasmine seemed comfortable with ambiguity.
“Who’s to say really!” she beamed. “It could be as minor as a head cold that doesn’t go away for a while, or I could experience some gastrointestinal symptoms. Would hate that, though. Fingers crossed it’s just the head cold thing. But that’s bad in i’s own right, because I’ll probably disregard its severity for a while, which will definitely make things worse.”
By Day 5, Yasmine plans to see a doctor, but she’s pretty sure that will be no help.
“Maybe I’ll get prescribed a series of generalized antibiotics that don’t work, or they’ll just send me home with some industrial-strength Sudafed,” she continued. “Either way, it’ll take at least another five days to run its course.”
By the end, Yasmine estimates she’ll be so eager to resume her life that she’ll jump the gun a bit on getting back out there.
“I’ll definitely stop resting a few days too soon, get one night of terrible sleep, and then we’ll be back to square one,” she said regretfully. “I always do that.”
At this point, Yasmine was looking at the 19th or 20th as a potential end date to the mysterious ailment.
“Yeah, so I should be good to hang out with Crystal then!” she said, smiling. “I’ll send her a text.”
According to reporters who checked back in five weeks later, Yasmine was 100% correct about the timing and duration of her illness. She’s excited to repeat the cycle in about nine weeks’ time!
