24-year-old Angela Pope has always had trouble remembering when her period is coming. At least once a month, she finds herself wondering whether the extreme emotions she’s feeling are just normal or if they’re side effects of premenstrual syndrome. However, this month she feels so horrible that she’s wondering whether she’s PMSing or being personally tested by God.
“Yesterday, all of a sudden, I lost interest in doing anything that used to bring me joy, and I also started to hate all of my friends and family,” Angela told reporters. “On one hand, it could just be that my period is coming, but on the other hand, it could be the universe trying to punish me or teach me a valuable lesson.”
She continued, “Maybe I should get baptized? Everything just feels really biblical right now.”
Angela’s friends also have their own theories about what could possibly be happening to her.
“She does this every month,” her roommate, Sky Mitchell, said. “The first time she told me she thought she was losing her mind or being attacked by God, I’ll admit I was pretty worried. But after six months of this happening like clockwork, I think she just has really bad PMS.”
However, despite what other people think, Angela is still convinced that what is happening to her must be divine intervention.
“I have a hard time believing that suffering of this magnitude could be found in the natural world,” she said. “This is bigger than me, bigger than everyone. I’m not even religious, but I know this is the work of an all-knowing being. I mean, why else would I want to cut ties from everyone I care about, run into the woods, and start a brand-new life there? Because of PMS? I don’t think so.”
Gynecologist and research scientist Dr. Nia Omondi offered her own insight into this dilemma, explaining that this is a very common problem for people everywhere.
“Studies have found that most people who suffer from PMS first assume they’re being tested by God before realizing that their period is coming,” Dr. Omondi told reporters. “We’ve actually found that 90% of people who join a religious institution and leave it around a week later are usually just people suffering from PMS.”
Angela, however, is still not buying it, and remains steadfast in her belief that she is being tortured by The Creator for a noble cause that she hasn’t quite figured out yet.
At press time, Angela reportedly finally got her period and immediately said, “Oh, nevermind! Back to living my life of sin!”