In extremely exciting fashion news unfolding in Los Angeles, CA, 22-year-old Ophelia Banks has found herself a pair of jean shorts that are so long that they’ve looped back around to literally just being jeans.
Woah! Look out jorts – here come jeans!
“These days, it’s all about how much knee your jorts can cover,” Ophelia told reporters gathered at the scene. “The closer your jean shorts are to the ground, the closer you are to god. And by ‘god,’ of course I mean Addison Rae. So, I figured, why not take them all the way. That’s how I discovered these ‘jants.’”
Ophelia has taken to calling them “jants,” a portmanteau of “jean pants.” Why she refuses to just call them “jeans,” reporters are unsure.
“They had dozens of these bad boys on the shelves just sitting out at my local Levi’s,” Ophelia continued, sipping her matcha. “Shelves and shelves of them for sale. I can’t believe people haven’t caught onto these long jorts yet! Plus, they’re really keeping me warm.”
As Ophelia made her way through the city, passersby stopped on every corner and craned their necks to get a look at her elite jorts.
“Sure, my jorts are long, but I didn’t know they could be that long,” said 21-year-old Uma Singh. “Covering the lower shin and ankle? It’s revolutionary. These are the longest, coolest jorts I’ve ever seen!”
Vogue editor Elise Monclaire was also drawn to the hubbub.
“I mean, I’d heard of the Long Jort through my robust whisper network of fashion informants,” Elise told reporters. “I just had to see them for myself. And when I did – my god – even my loftiest expectations were exceeded. Love those Jants!”
Elise plans to make “Jants” the unifying theme of Vogue’s next issue.
As far as Ophelia’s next fashion move, she’s unsure how she’ll top the Jant.
“It’s just a lot of pressure when you’ve managed to heighten the genre this way, you know?” she told reporters. “Everyone’s asking me what I’m going to do next and it’s like, I don’t know yet! I think I just need some time for myself before I can start thinking big again.”
As of press time, Ophelia is trying to make the “extremely long sweatshirt” work, but the public agrees it just doesn’t have the same pizzazz as the Jant.
