Nineties nostalgia is in full force and we’re licking our lips over more than just Dunkaroos! That’s right, we’re talking about the Power Ranger’s original 1993-1995 installment. There’s fearless Red Ranger Kevin, loyal Blue Ranger Billy, or certified thirst trap Zack the Black Ranger. Which of these three morphin’ hotties would you let show you some Megazord power? Zack? Is it Zack? It’s Zack, right?
1. Which nail polish shade are you most likely to rock?
A) I like a dark hue!
B) I like to spice it up with a nighttime black!
C) Black, right? It’s black?
2. What dessert sends shivers down your spine?
A) Black Forest Cake
B) Mmmm, black and white cookie!
C) I like a mighty morphin’ meringue! Haha, get it? Just kidding; I’d eat Zack.
3. Okay, so which Power Rangers villain would you most likely to see Zack the Black Ranger pound after he pounds you (sexually)?
A) Rita Repulsa!
B) Ivan Ooze!
C) I think you mean Zack, the black Power Ranger?
4. Which Power Ranger marked your sexual awakening?
A) Zack, the Black Ranger
B) Black Ranger Zack
C) I don’t know? Maybe the red one. Not the Red one though, right?
5. If you answered C in the previous question, had you realized Zack the Black Ranger was an option?
A) Wow, I can’t imagine not fucking Zack.
B) Whoever answered A is a criminal.
C) Yeah, I knew it was an option. I’m like, a huge fan.
6. Have you seen Zack the Black Ranger?
A) Yes! Yes! Yes!
B) That is def the ranger I’d want to zord my puss.
C) You guys are making me feel weird.
7. Are you down to fuck Zack the Black Ranger or are you an idiot!?
A) I’m ready!
B) Currently ass-up for Zack.
C) This is a children’s show.
Results:
Mostly A’s:
You’d fuck Zack! There was a moment where you were considering another Ranger’s rough charm and jacked bod, but you came to your senses and decided Zack’s the “teen with attitude” you’d want to just friggin plow you.
Mostly B’s:
You’d fuck Zack! You thought you might find ecstasy elsewhere, like in the Blue Ranger’s rugged intellectual, until you remembered Zack puts the ‘d’ in ‘dinozord.’ This is really a no-brainer. Good call!
Mostly C’s:
You’re clearly suffering some gap in judgment because you’d definitely fuck Zack if you met him! Have you seen his smooth talking, his capoeira-influenced martial arts, and the way he is just poured into that spandex? It doesn’t matter; Zack is your ultimate Pussy Ranger. And honestly, fuck you if you don’t get that! Just face it: whether he’s kicking ass or eating it, Zack the Black Ranger’s the stud you’d want assembling your Megazord. Right? Right??
