You’re a woman-on-the-go. You’ve got a great job, a respectable apartment, and you’ve finally found a decent book club that doesn’t keep picking John Green novels. The last thing you need is to add a baby to the mix. Lucky for you, there is a safe, effective contraception method that is right for you to use irresponsibly. Here are just a few of the methods you can forget to use:
Progestin Injection: Want the convenience of remembering to schedule a doctor visit with the ease of forgetting your seasonal shot? Progestin injections are right for you! Injections are only needed once every three months, which is the perfect amount of time to completely forget about your next visit, or forget to reschedule it when your best friend’s bachelorette party comes up, where you will have multiple opportunities to have casual sex and briefly weigh the risks of doing so since everyone forgot condoms and your previous injection has technically lapsed but after all it’s not an exact science anyway so you’re probably fine.
Condoms: The tried-and-true failsafe for protected sex, condoms are the easiest form of birth control to keep on hand and the easiest one to forget. Maybe you just used your last one the other night and were running late to meet your friends at the club, or maybe there isn’t a pharmacy between the bar and that guy’s apartment; maybe there is a pharmacy but they only have weirdly sized or textured ones. Whatever the case, you’ll find no dearth of excuses to not use a condom.
NuvaRing: Like the pill, the NuvaRing works by changing the hormone levels in your body, making your womb inhospitable to pregnancy…as long as you remember to change it every month! Like that’s going to happen. Even if you do remember to change it, you have to wait a whole week before you put in the new one. That’s right! One whole week! Think of all the distractions that will occur in that week to prevent you from inserting your next NuvaRing on time! You could set a reminder on your phone, but who are we kidding? Trust your flawed memory and questionable concern for your reproductive health to help you forget to shove that sucker up in you next Tuesday.
The Pill: “The Pill” was the little miracle that started it all. Finally, women freed themselves from the constant, looming threat of an accidental pregnancy and replaced that threat with the acute, mid-coital fear that they may have forgotten to take their pill earlier that morning. With 21 ripe opportunities to forget to take them, and seven useless placebo pills you don’t even have to take really (right?), The Pill offers you the biggest bang for your irresponsibility buck. If you are bad at putting important things in places where you’ll remember them, forgetting to take The Pill may be right for you.
However you choose to be reckless about something that could affect the entire course of your life, there’s a birth control method out there that’s right for you not to use. Whatever you do, just remember: it’s your body, and no one can not take care of it better than you.
