Ring the alarm: newly hired employee Olivia Hall is normalizing quick responses to emails by answering questions, providing feedback, and looping in other people, all within a five-minute time window.
“Great question! Let’s hop on a call at 11 am to discuss?” read the new brand strategist’s email just mere moments after their boss asked the question.
She has now responded to over 40 emails in her first week with extreme promptness and what’s worse, she seems to have no plan of ever stopping.
“People are already starting to notice and wondering how long she can keep this up,” said forlorn employee Geetha Mani who has been working at the company for 10 years. “It’s almost like she enjoys doing it.”
Geetha is not alone in expressing her disgust over Olivia’s work ethic and interest in her job. Some of Olivia’s other teammates are wondering what this means for them and if they’ll have to respond to emails within a reasonable time window, too.
“The norm here is to not answer until someone follows up twice,” said Daniel Moyo. “That’s when you say ‘Sorry just seeing this!’ and then respond within the hour. But five minutes? That poses a threat to us all.”
Moyo was visibly shaken when he saw that there was an immediate response to a question his boss had sent the team in the early morning. At that time, Moyo had just gotten up from bed and found to his horror that Olivia had not only responded, but had also included exclamation points before 8 AM.
Jesus, Olivia! The birds are barely awake by then.
“I don’t think she realizes what this means,” says Geetha. “She probably thinks she’s making a good first impression but if she slows down, they’ll say her performance has worsened. But if she keeps it up, then we’ll all have to be punctual too. What’s next? We have to log in at 9 am? Turn our cameras on? Volunteer for side projects?”
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When asked about her work philosophy, Olivia beamed.
“I love going above and beyond at my job!” She tells us. “Whether it’s being the first one in the meeting or staying late, I’ll do whatever it takes to put work before everything else.”
Her coworkers gasped this morning when they saw her new email signature: “Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.”
Oh no!
